Over the course of
these past few months I have learned a lot about trust in the Lord. I “trusted” that He would work a situation
out for me and then I would still dwell on that situation in worry trying to
think of anything I could possibly do to make it work out of my own power. I “trusted” that God would supply certain
needs, but still felt insecure that maybe He wouldn’t provide what I needed
exactly when I needed it. That’s not
really “trusting the Lord with all your heart” (see Proverbs 3:5-6). Anxiety played a big part in my relationship
with God because He’s not the type to shout His plan at you, He quietly shows
you along the way how He has each area of your life under control, subtly
guiding you where you need to go. I
would rather He just tell me straight up what’s going on because I’d be a lot
less worrisome, but that’s not how He works most of the time and I just have to
deal with it. He wants me to realize
that I am His child. He wants me to fearlessly jump into His arms the way I
jumped into my worldly father’s arms when I was younger, KNOWING that he would
catch me. He doesn’t just want us to
TELL ourselves that He will catch us, but still hold on for fear of falling, He
wants us to KNOW and BELIEVE that He has His arms wide open ready for us to let
go and drop into His strong embrace.
It’s May and my
last full month of high school (which is utterly ridiculous). I’ve gone through waves with my trust in God
when it came to what I planned to do after school. At one point I refused to make any decisions
because my fear of the unknown crippled me and I SAID I trusted Him, but I
really didn’t. At another point I
decided in my mind (even though I never would have admitted it to myself) that
I would take the Lord and trust in Him out of it entirely and decided I was
going to take the whole situation into my own hands. Go to the exact college I wanted and major in
exactly what I felt like majoring in no matter how many loans or debts I would acquire. When I realized that’s not a great idea, I
came to the point where I decided I’d sit here and not do anything until the
Lord told me as clear as day what exactly I’m supposed to do. That didn’t work either. I was fooled into thinking that I had faith
in the Lord. Then one day I realized, “gee, if God created the whole Earth,
everything in it, and something as complicated as the human body, why wouldn’t
He be able to figure out my life for me?”
This just made me realize that I am a silly human. Why would I doubt the God that shut the
mouths of lions to save Daniel and gave Moses the power to part the sea? God
has never failed me before, so why should I have any reason to think He will
leave me hanging in the future? He doesn’t
promise that He will always be there for us and then secretly expect us to handle
everything on our own. Just because I’m
starting to get older and have to make real life decisions doesn’t mean God
said, “Oh Emily, since you’re 18 and you’re considered a legal adult by the
U.S. government, I’m gonna leave the rest of this up to you! Have a nice life!” That’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but
when I look back I kind of felt that was true when that’s not what He says at
all. He says that if I acknowledge Him
and want to live my life according to His will that He will make my paths
straight. A pretty big weight was lifted
off my shoulders when I decided to actually live by this promise.
I’m not saying
that I’m perfect at trusting the Lord now, but my trust in Him is more complete
than it was before when I had a skewed idea of trust in Him. I’m not going to refuse to make decision and
expect Him to make everything happen for me.
I’m not going to take control and cut Him out. I’m just going to seek His will for my life
and take the opportunities He opens up for me.
Stress a little less and trust a little more.
