oh me, of little faith

Over the course of these past few months I have learned a lot about trust in the Lord.  I “trusted” that He would work a situation out for me and then I would still dwell on that situation in worry trying to think of anything I could possibly do to make it work out of my own power.  I “trusted” that God would supply certain needs, but still felt insecure that maybe He wouldn’t provide what I needed exactly when I needed it.  That’s not really “trusting the Lord with all your heart” (see Proverbs 3:5-6).  Anxiety played a big part in my relationship with God because He’s not the type to shout His plan at you, He quietly shows you along the way how He has each area of your life under control, subtly guiding you where you need to go.  I would rather He just tell me straight up what’s going on because I’d be a lot less worrisome, but that’s not how He works most of the time and I just have to deal with it.  He wants me to realize that I am His child. He wants me to fearlessly jump into His arms the way I jumped into my worldly father’s arms when I was younger, KNOWING that he would catch me.  He doesn’t just want us to TELL ourselves that He will catch us, but still hold on for fear of falling, He wants us to KNOW and BELIEVE that He has His arms wide open ready for us to let go and drop into His strong embrace. 

It’s May and my last full month of high school (which is utterly ridiculous).  I’ve gone through waves with my trust in God when it came to what I planned to do after school.  At one point I refused to make any decisions because my fear of the unknown crippled me and I SAID I trusted Him, but I really didn’t.  At another point I decided in my mind (even though I never would have admitted it to myself) that I would take the Lord and trust in Him out of it entirely and decided I was going to take the whole situation into my own hands.  Go to the exact college I wanted and major in exactly what I felt like majoring in no matter how many loans or debts I would acquire.  When I realized that’s not a great idea, I came to the point where I decided I’d sit here and not do anything until the Lord told me as clear as day what exactly I’m supposed to do.  That didn’t work either.  I was fooled into thinking that I had faith in the Lord. Then one day I realized, “gee, if God created the whole Earth, everything in it, and something as complicated as the human body, why wouldn’t He be able to figure out my life for me?”  This just made me realize that I am a silly human.  Why would I doubt the God that shut the mouths of lions to save Daniel and gave Moses the power to part the sea? God has never failed me before, so why should I have any reason to think He will leave me hanging in the future?  He doesn’t promise that He will always be there for us and then secretly expect us to handle everything on our own.  Just because I’m starting to get older and have to make real life decisions doesn’t mean God said, “Oh Emily, since you’re 18 and you’re considered a legal adult by the U.S. government, I’m gonna leave the rest of this up to you! Have a nice life!”  That’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but when I look back I kind of felt that was true when that’s not what He says at all.  He says that if I acknowledge Him and want to live my life according to His will that He will make my paths straight.  A pretty big weight was lifted off my shoulders when I decided to actually live by this promise.   

I’m not saying that I’m perfect at trusting the Lord now, but my trust in Him is more complete than it was before when I had a skewed idea of trust in Him.  I’m not going to refuse to make decision and expect Him to make everything happen for me.  I’m not going to take control and cut Him out.  I’m just going to seek His will for my life and take the opportunities He opens up for me.  Stress a little less and trust a little more.  

South Africa will always have my heart

     One time I went to South Africa… in May of 2011 to be exact.  My dad believed I was far too young to travel out of Pennsylvania without him, never mind fly to Africa… on the other side of the world… so I decided I wouldn't go.  Then eventually somehow I convinced him things would be okay and I was on a plane to Johannesburg before I knew it!  It’s kind of crazy to look back and to think that I’ve been to South Africa.  I don’t think my under developed (not that it's fully developed at all yet =P ) brain actually processed the fact that I was even out of the country at all and I think I’m more excited about it now than I was then.  It was a seriously life changing experience... I met loving people... and people that I didn't know would still be my friend today.  I saw the love of Jesus in little childrens' eyes like I have never seen before.  There's just no way to truly show or tell how amazing it was.  I’m not really going to explain much of what I experienced  because I might  do that later, but for now I’ve decided to just share some pictures and take you down memory lane with me(:

p.s. I apologize for poor quality of photos, as I didn't have a great camera (Aaarrgghh! I will never leave the country again without a decent camera!) 

i tried sushi

                I'm a little late on the whole New Year's resolution thing, but I've decided to dedicate 2014 to trying new things.  Doesn't sound very original or exciting, but it has already made a big difference in my life!  So far this year I have tried sushi (which I've always been a bit afraid of), started a blog, surpassed my high score of 3 in Flappy Bird (haha) and said yes to multiple opportunities that, in the past, I would've hesitated about agreeing to.  I'm reading new (and old) books, I'm opening myself up to new ideas and knowledge about life and the world and the Bible,  I want to learn more and know more and I don't want to miss out on anything that God has in store for me.  How will I ever experience His amazing plan if I never open myself up to all of the wonderful things and people and places He has placed in this world around me?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"  (2 Corinthians 5:17) How exciting is that?!  I feel like putting together a party in celebration of this verse because it's such an amazing thing... God has made me NEW!  The old has GONE, the new has COME!  It inspires me to stop living my life the safe way and start getting out there and experiencing all there is to offer.  Yes, this could lead to scary or intimidating situations (not life threatening or anything, I'm not ready to be that adventurous yet haha), but I feel like so many good things and beautiful moments will come out of it, as well.

So here's to living my 18th year of life with the mindset of being open to anything and everything the Lord has to offer.  I know that it won't always be easy, but it will definitely be amazing (:

sometimes good things start with procrastination

           As I sit here awaiting my online English class, the thought of starting a blog has popped into my head for the millionth time and (after many doubts) I’ve decided to follow through, so I’ve become one of “those people” with a blog.  I feel as though, since I’ve become a senior, I have been stuck in this place of not knowing what to do with my life, so I’ve stopped making decisions for fear of making the wrong one.  This is definitely not a good thing, so to get out of my comfort zone and take some action in my life, I’m saying yes to this blog as a beginning to the vast number of decisions that are yet to be made within the near future.  It’s a very silly and pointless decision that doesn’t have much of an effect on my life, but I have to start somewhere, right?  Yes, I could be finishing papers that I have to write, studying French, cleaning something, organizing something, or finding some sort of worth-while project to do with my time, but why be productive when I could sit here and write out my very mundane thoughts and ideas?

I’m not exactly sure what I will be writing here, or when I will be writing it.  I may write every week, I may write once every two months.  It’s not like you really care anyway, right?  This is all just for fun, I have no vision or set topic, I’m just going to write when and what I want to write.  It could be as serious as my thoughts on a current event or issue in society, as silly as what I had for lunch that day, or as simple as something that made me smile.  I’m not looking for a large following or a fan-base or anything silly like that, I simply want to write.

Senior year is kind of a big deal.  It almost feels as though my life is just about to start and lots of things will be happening.  I’m not sure about anything that’s going to be happening in the near future, whether it be college, work, etc., the only thing that I’m sure of is that the Lord will be walking me through it all along the way and it will be an incredible journey no matter what He has in store for me. I figured writing through my thoughts and the things I experience over this new period in my life will be interesting to look back on when I’m older and possibly entertaining for a few of you out there.  So, to the few people (or one person) that is reading this, welcome to this new journey in my life… I appreciate the support (:

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

bloglovin

Follow my blog with Bloglovin